If you're among those...

...who has discovered that political conventions are compelling viewing, the good news is that there's another one coming up. The bad news is that it will be full of Republicans, and they're somewhat less compelling than the good guys. Still, there's stuff to watch for. The filmed candidate biography, for instance, has become a convention staple, and I'm sure no expense will be spared for George Bush's video hagiography.

Roger Ailes has compiled a handy list of highlights to look for in the GWB bio...

Failed to appear for flight physical

Failed to appear for duty, Alabama National Guard (or, alternatively, read magazines in lieu of actual military service)

Failed sobriety test

Failed businessman (Arbusto)

Failed candidate (U.S. Congress)

Member of failed G.H.W. Bush reelection committee

Failed governor (education, environment, etc.)

Failed to win popular vote

Failed to win necessary electoral college votes

Failed to prevent terrorist attacks on America

Failed to tell the truth about war with Iraq

"Mission Failed"

Failed to find WMDs

Failed economy

Osama who?

I mean, they've got to use that stuff, right? Because if they leave it out, well, what's left to say?