Sedate(d) Dean

With Mad Howard locked in Tom Harkin's spare bedroom and Nice Howard busy at his son's hockey practice, Joe Trippi rolled out his latest product upgrade, Dean 3.0, which is being marketed as Sedate Howard.

"I know I raised $40 million by manipulating your emotions last year," Sedate Howard somberly intoned for a New Hampshire audience, "but that didn't work out so well for me, so no more 'red meat.' I'm back on my meds and this campaign is going rhetorically vegan. Now, everybody sing...'Oh say can you see...'"

Trippi unveiled a new ground strategy for the New Hampshire campaign, as well, replacing Iowa's Operation Perfect Storm with the new, improved Operation Pleasant Spring Day.

"We'll be encouraging thousands of supporters from all over America to stay home and write checks," Trippi explained. "New Hampshire voters have seen all the pink hair and piercings they can handle. The best thing you can do for Dean is fill that bat."

(yeah, yeah...only in my dreams...)